in which world am I stuck?

It was late evening. As usual I had my dinner early and as planned headed for the terrace of the unfinished building. Being afraid of heights, the climb was scary to say the least. But the effort was well paid for. The breeze had this eerie effect and set a tempo for the rest of the evening. Lying on my back, I was counting the stars that I heard a sound from the other corner of the building. A girl in white sari had also climbed up the building was sitting by the edge. Her hair was left loose and was blowing in the breeze. She had this dreamy, sad expression on her face. The strange part was that I called her by some name (i don't remember) and she got up, came near me and sat by my side.

But the strangest part was that she looked at me and asked why I hated myself. I must say I don't hate myself per se. Everyone has complaints. My complaint register runs miles and miles in length and I admit that if I had a chance I would have done some things better. I can (with much confidence) say that I made many mistakes and that I've spent far too many nights regretting them but I don't hate myself. But the case was different. I heard myself saying wierd things to her. I heard myself saying that I hated myself for not growing up. For being such an open book. People could see through my feelings as if I was nothing but a silly see-through gown. People read my feelings as if I was a damn page out of a bloody Jeffrey Archer novel. I hated myself for not knowing occlumency. I looked in her eyes, my eyes searching for solace but there was none. And then suddenly she said, "You know you can jump from here." I first laughed and then felt angry that how could she even say something like that. But before I could anything she was gone. I felt a slight jerk and awoke with a start.

Soon I realized that it was a dream. I sat up and looked at the sky. Then I stood up and walked to the edge of the building. My legs were shaking as if any moment they would betray me and I would fall. Taking some half a dozen steps back, I looked forward, took a deep breath. Gathering some momentum I ran forward and jumped out of the building. But before the rubble and dust could come and kiss me I awoke cold and shivering, my temples drenched with sweat. Now this is the part where I should say that I'm happy that the nightmare was behind me. But oddly enough I felt a pang of relief run through my body.

****

[epilogue] - Walking past the library, I gazed at the building concentrating at the part from where I had jumped and traced the path to the ground. I closed my eyes and imagined something heavy hit the ground. I went to the spot and looked at it carefully that I was reminded of what Morpheus said in The Matrix.

"Have you ever had a dream, Neo, that you were so sure was real. What if you were unable to wake from that dream. How would you know the difference between the dream world and the real world?"

The Anakin Connection

Dear d

I was under the impression that I was the mad guy here. A mad guy who had these strange dreams of humiliation. Of anger and hatred. Recurring dreams which I could never explain in words. But now it's complete, atleast to the point that I can put it in words. All thanks to Star Wars - Episode I - The Revenge of the Sith. I now feel everything has fallen into place.

Everytime I think about it, I see myself in Anakin Skywalker's place by the molten lava river. My limbs cut and eyes bloodshot. I hear myself shouting I HATE YOU with all that is left of me. If only I had my hands and legs intact, I would have taken the lightsaber and slashed you open a thousand times for what you have done to me. That wasn't the end. I thought you were the one would love me unconditionally but you let me lie there wasted. You saw me as a burst of lava caught me and burnt my entire body. My hair was gone, my body was beyond repair. But I somehow survived. I survived to write all this and more. To say this to myself that while every single strand of vein in my body carries dirty blood, I will live to hate you. I never played or will play mind games or guerilla warfare. I will be patiently waiting for the day when we have a face-off.

I HATE YOU
s

Female Pop Stars

Today is Women's Day and while I can't make much difference to the world by preaching or otherwise, I can definitely talk about women who are making great music these days. I listen to all these artists quite a lot and love many songs of theirs. So in no particular order, some of the artists are

1) Rihanna - Totally love her songs. Specially Disturbia. In the song, I like the lyrics the best which make so much sense (in today's world.)

2) Lady GaGa - While I don't really "love" her kind of music, she has been making some nice songs which one can sprinkle around in a playlist to get a difference. Her songs have this disco like feeling and she tends to go gaga over fashion. Anyways Poker Face and Papparazzi are worth a listen.

3) Duffy - First time I heard her sing, found it a bit strange. Her voice is somewhat like those retro singers like Janis Joplin. One must try track is Mercy.

Some other honorary mentions might be Katy Perry, Gabriella Cilmi and Natasha Bedingfield

Also there are these totally cool bands which are either into Indie or Electronica kind of music. They have a female vocalist and are totally awesome to listen to -

1) Asteroid Galaxy Tour - Their song, Around the bend is really good. This incidentally was also used for the iPod ad sometime back. I haven't heard to any other song of theirs though.

2) The Ting Tings - Again into Indie music, these guys have been making some really humorous songs. Last.fm lists them as one of the most popular bands of 2008. Worthy mentions - Shut up and let me go, Great DJ, That's not my name

3) Goldfrapp - In the electronica scene. Happiness is a must listen.

4) Minipop - All the people having Nokia XpressMusic might know this band as their song, Like I Do is included by default. This song (and others too) have this ethereal sort of music to it. Great to listen to.

5) Carpenters - An old band. Both the artists are now dead. Some great vocals and really soulful music. Must listen tracks - Superstar, Sweet Sweet Smile, Rainy Days and Mondays.

adios
sashidhar

and then in Sikkim

Long back, during my sixth class, I went to Darjeeling with my brother and my parents. Though the trip was awesome and memorable one, the sad part was that I spent only 4 hours in Gangtok. It has been a long time and now I hardly remember a thing. I was trying to recollect stuff when I started googling and wiki-ing around to check out Gangtok again. Along with Gangtok, I discovered a ton of other places. Instead going to sleep, I spent half the night exploring Sikkim on net. In these few hours I totally fell in love with that place. Someday, I'll get away for some 10-15 days and check out Sikkim and only Sikkim.

Actually I can already picture myself going there. It'll all start with start with taking Satavahana Express early morning and reaching Vijayawada sometime in the afternoon. Eat some lunch and catch Coromandel Express(yea, the same train which got derailed two days back) which goes to Kolkata. I'll catch a bus and either go directly to Gangtok or go to Siliguri and from there go to Kalimpong. Kalimpong is just off Teesta river which is the most scenic river in the north east.



The image was lifted from flickr. Click for more pics on Teesta River

From there I'd head to Gangtok where all the action would begin. Maybe roam around and finally head for Nathula Pass. I'll walk, take pics and do some more stuff...



Maybe I'll also shake hands with Chinese Army guys here ->

Again both are from flickr. Anil Suri's album

From there I'll go to Lake Menmecho and Tsongmo Lake. Maybe go for a yak ride too :D. Later I'd head north

Lake Tsongmo

Once in northern Sikkim, my first stop will be Yamthung Valley from where I'll go further north to reach Gurudongmar Lake which is one of the highest lakes in the world.

Gurudongmar Lake

From Gurudongmar Lake the second half of my journey would begin wherein I set for the western part of Sikkim. Here I'll go to Khecheopalri Lake and from there go here and there and come back to Kalimpong to see the coronation bridge over Teesta river. From there a bus back to Kolkata and from there back to hyderabad :)

Khecheopalri Lake

so how's the iterenary? any more places which I might be missing??

adios
sashidhar

my take on The Age of Reason

There is this girl (whose name is the last thing I'd want to post on this blog :D) who talks a lot about existentialism. I did a bit of wiki-ing around on existentialism and found some nice things. From what I could understand, Existentialism is nothing but saying that all this philosophy thing is a bucket load of shit and that every man is an individual and philosophy can neither be used to generalize the behaviour of a person or set some arbit framework.

* * *

Around two or three weeks back, I found this book - The Age of Reason written by Jean Paul Sartre who happens to be this author who gave shape to the early theories of existentialism. Now, I consciously stay away from the likes of Marquez, Dostoyevsky, Ayn Rand who, I heard, write in a very abstract sense. Yet I found myself issuing this book. The book didn't disappoint my expectations of what it might be. It was a philosophical treatise disguised in this story set in France in world war 2 era. The book was outright boring. It was about this guy Matheiu who had this totally wierd way of looking at life. He loved two women(Marcelle and Ivich) but wanted to marry neither. He had friends(Boris, Lola, Daniel, Brunet) but wanted to be a loner, etc, etc... The book was so depressing that I left it after reading some 180 pages and gave it back to the library.

* * *

Yesterday when I went to the library and saw the book still lying around. Better senses DIDNOT prevail and I took the book and decided to see how the story ends. Hence started reading from the last 40 pages. Matheiu grew more frustrated, his friends were only more pissed with him, he deserted his mistress(Marcelle) who was pregnant and found out that she married one of his friends(Daniel) who was gay. He stole 4k francs from Lola who thought that the thief was Boris. The book ended by saying that Matheiu is truly free because "he exists in nothing." Wow! what a great way to end things. As if things weren't depressing enough.

Seems like the author wanted to convey the fact that it's ok to be frustrated in life. Frustration in life is a kind of lifestyle and the earlier you accept it, less miserable your life will be.

Moral of the story - Though there are people who are great fans of Existentialism in general and Sartre in particular, I'd want to stay away from it.

PS : does anyone know if there is any Spinoza stuff in library?? :P

Why library gives me so much of "pleasure"

Today evening when I went to the library for my usual dose of book browsing and keeping up with the activity of doing nothing, something new caught my eye. No, it wasn’t a new chick in the library. It was the New Arrivals section. Generally empty or barely filled, it was totally flooded with books. Got a mild shock when I went there. I don’t know who can recommend the books or how does the entire system works but today I became a fan of the system. SUch a big fan that I have decided to do a bit of publicity. So here are a few snaps of what I found the most awesome.

The book which caused it all

Awesome cover description

some more... one for everyone :D

So what are you waiting for? Go and grab the book before someone else issues it

adios
sashidhar

Escapades

Yesterday I went to Durgam Cheruvu. Never made a plan to go there. Was coming back to insti from Hitech city that I saw this signboard saying that Durgam Cheruvu was just a km from madhapur police station. Realizing that I still had the camera in my bag, I got off the bus and headed to Durgam Cheruvu. The first thing that came to my mind was that whoever named the lake that way still has the lake live to its name. The entrance to the lake from the kavuri hills side is totally obscure. Had to keep asking for directions to get there.

The place was totally awesome and I kept wondering why I never visited this place before. The visit was well timed considering the fact that
a. I had worn my sneakers 'coz there were these huge boulders which seemed pretty ideal for what I can call "boulder climbing"
b. had the camera with me. To get the best snaps, I went on further and further. The entire thing seemed something out of Farcry game where one saw a satellite station on top of some hill and one had to get there. I picked up this particular point and decided to get there. Took me two hours to get there. In these two hours snapped many awesome pics and had a helluva time. Here's wishing adios with some of the pics. I've put all the durgam cheruvu pics on flickr. and yeah... Happy new year too!! :)